25.09.03; Terrifying Thursday; 08:59

Days before the desired regularization: 12. No. of my stupid acts that aggravate the tension: 2. No. of text messages which mysteriously disappeared in my inbox: Countless. No. of text messages which mysteriously disappeared in my outbox: 3. The level of importance of these messages (or should I say mini-walk through/password gallery?): extremely high. No. of online/offline friends who had a bad dream about me: 1. Online mysteries: 1. My difficulty logging in the second coolest forum on earth. This month’s vaginal event: the arrival of Imee. Impact: Signal # 1. Figures: The first time in my short life.

Dear Niwee,

There you go. The grand slam Badly Written Chick/Reality Show deviates for a while as it makes way for the fast approaching Halloween. Or is it just a hint that I better hurry up and watch “Freddy vs. Jason”? If so, better refrain myself from doing anything sinful.

I might as well start by wiping my drool.

Here’s a quick list of what Lornadahl should do to survive this horror flick:

1. Prevent my tongue from saying another string of snide comments.

2. Turn back from my apathetic ways and greet today’s birthday celebrants.

3. Refuse to cave in to the temptation to go ego-tripping as applicants sat in trance outside my workstation.

Nah, I can’t do this. This is not my style.

Why concentrate on what I should do when I can save my own life when I can outlive anyone with my thoughts? Right. This is a mind game. And winner I shall be. Hurrah!

My favourite post for this week would be my reply to Margaux’s inquiry of what makes me happy.

What makes me happy? Here are they. In random order.

1. When I get to make a class clown/comedian laugh his/her heart out.

2. When I get to go home with truckloads of newly purchased kikay stuff.

3. When I get to spend time with good friends – like pigging out, watching intellectual films, partying, drinking, shooting film, kodakan and chatting.

4. When my friends tell me how I inspired them to do better.

5. When I get kissed.

6. When I see a work of art I produced myself which was a mere blank page a while back.

7. When people allow me to be myself.

8. When I get a massage, manicure and pedicure, hair treatment and all relaxing remedies you could think of.

9. When I receive a snail mail, poem, pictures from close friends.

10. When the party I attended was a walking success.

11. When somebody actually can stand to hear my laments and words of pissdom.

12. When I had a beautiful dream.

13. When I see my calendar full of activities to fulfill.

14. When I see the online announcement that our wage has arrived.

15. When no one bugs me when I’m in my sanctuary.

16. When answering questions like these, makes me count my blessings, take a leave from my usual bitchy mood and be schizo for a day.

Out of these items, 8 manifestations of happiness for me originate from other people whereas the other half comes from material things. (Brace yourselves, it’s high time for pretense I’m one profound prick!) It is a pity how people define happiness as something that they could acquire. Doesn’t it reside in oneself? Do we really need validation from somebody else? Till when will this fallacy go on?

This issue I have tackled already with a good friend during my lowest of low. And why was I teeming of depressive thoughts back then, you ask? An outer force, an emotional investment, a forsaken affiliation, an interrupted concert. Not because of any other reason. I just love pain more than anything else in the world.

Pretense over. Got a text message that snapped me back to reality. Besides, my blatant display of Internet access abuse here at work starts to stink.