14.11.04; Birthday blues part 2; 23:32

Kikay finding of the Week: I exfoliate my lips way too often. Word of the Day: Lampong – Tagalog word for male cat. The most annoying birthday greeting ever: TVC for Hello Kitty. Come on, we’re talking about birthDAY here. (Realistic) Birthday gifts I failed to give myself: Attendance to Radioactive Sago Project‘s album launch, a Kinky Cake and a decent nail treatment and back massage.

Dear Niwee,

As redundant as it may sound, I have turned twenteen two I mean twen-two-teen. Oh fuck. I HAVE TURNED TWENTY TWO. (Read: Two decades of worthless existence.) Maybe I should start enjoying my youth, as Shiela advised. After all, I’m still in the age bracket wherein I lack wisdom. Right, Will? Assuming that’s a compliment, the fact remains: I’m in the stage wherein I have it all (time, energy and sex drive) BUT loads of cash. Speaking of sex drive, you won’t believe what my capacity is after reading that psychology book. So there, another reminder that I have to try harder.

During my cloistered celebration of shitty things like birthdays, this Mojo Jojo decided to revise her outdated plot for world domination. Want a peek?

By the age of 24, my resume should boast of my masteral degree.

By the age of 25, my buying power should be able to afford a condo unit.

By the age of 27, I should have toured Europe and boinked a circumcised Italian. Tween, I’d know after I groped it for inspection.

By the age of 30, I’d be dead as a dodo.

By the age of 31, my novel/s should be posthumously recognized. Isn’t everyone nicer to dead people?

In pure desire to make these goals feasible, my cons/trained eye has been scouring for slots for promotion (at last!) and money-generating part-time jobs. (Confession: my expenses for my writing pursuits are higher than my earning.) And just like those Sunday papers days wherein call center jobs dominate the battle of column space, my quest concludes in the land of networking. Ever heard of First Quadrant, Igen Portal and Legacy for Life? These business opportunities would require the interested parties to produce the 4-digit membership fee to avail of discounts, privelege cards, training programs and insurance. How to earn? Direct selling, referrals, pairing and rebates. Before the year ends, as the members promised me, one’s capital would transform into eye-popping wealth.

Regardless of my opposition to the concept of quick fix, I sometimes find myself contemplating if shelling out a part of my 13th month pay for this gamble would pay off. Then I’d start counting the needs and comforts I can afford with it. Heck, I can even bellow goodbye to my irate callers pronto!

Tsk. Ang hirap maging mahirap.

Get Rich Plan B: Try the lucrative profession of mistresshood. Pimps, where art thou?

Get Rich Plan C: Orchestrate the next sex scandal on VCD.

X’S: Assuming I’m the only one who finds birthdays gloomy, allow me greet fellow Scorpions and some Sagittarians.

Shiela, you are turning sweet thirty na. Happy beerday! Give me back my Absolut bottle, all right?

Sir Jay, my Puff Daddy, happy birthday! Please tell me you’d treat us at Gerry’s Grill again. Your baby (dinosaur) wants sisig.

Dodeng, you know how I hate short notices! Happy birthday!

Tita Sol, thanks for the dinner last Sunday. Loved your morcon and the expensive sans rival.

crazybitch, how dare you not file for a beerday/buraot-day leave? December is too late for booze! Pre-Christmas gets me depressive.

Leeney_V, advance happy 35th! You’re still a head-turner, I bet. See you on Feb.

Sheila, happy birthday! Miss you and Gorelli.