03.30.05; Windang Wednesday; 09:52

This month’s vaginal event: AT LAST, the arrival of Wanda. This month’s anal event: Anal sex with a tall, handsome man holding a sonogram. Ick! New euphemism for my poor vagina: "Inerts". No. of people whom I managed to spoil their momentum during the Pacquiao-Morales fight: 13/20.

Dear Niwee,

I could feel my hang over slowly wear off. Though I still have the remnants of that happy drug I inhaled elsewhere inside my head, I am starting to hear myself produce heavy sighs again. I am starting to see evil oodles that only a rebellious soul can plot. I am starting to spread sarcasm and negativity in the air again.

Hell, yeah. I need a break. I need to feel the kiss of sun again all over my lazy body. I need to feel the seawater soaking my pale skin again. I need to feel the sea breeze slapping my cheeks again. Heck, even a silent snap from a jellyfish AGAIN I would take!

But something tells me that escape is just procrastinating. When I get back, when the powerful grip of distraction lets go, it’s still sitting right in front of me and tapping its fingers impatiently as if it were a time bomb.

And that’s exactly what I feel. I feel like a volcanic eruption waiting to happen.

Too bad I’m not an excellent actress. I find it hard to shut up and calm down when a friend is declaring her press release/s. Don’t you just loathe the experience of being reduced from a trusted friend to a brainless viewer? Can you blame me if you find me splitting my pencil into half as I hear someone make contradicting details as if she were underestimating how well I’ve known her?

I have tolerated this endless fusion of fact and fiction for so long. If rolling my eyes were not enough, I open my mouth to its widest capacity to disgorge the rudest yawn ever. Worse, according to my friend’s observation, I tend to hoard what I have. "Noon lang kita nakitang magdamot, Lorna!" she recalled. If my memory served me right, it even reached to the point I kissed everyone goodbye but her.

Then there were friends who shower me with apologies for past errs only to repeat the same thing. Or, friends who repeat the same spiel but don’t do anything to bring back the old times.

I did not intend to be a monster. But what the fuck is the point calling someone your friend if you don’t trust her anymore? What’s the point of meeting up or going out of town with them when I know I won’t permit the day end without throwing snides?

Question is, what have I done to deserve this? Am I being too nice to be treated as such? Or am I being too demanding? Either way, I want a direct answer. If they want me to forget all about it out of convenience, then I’d go easy. If they want downgrade of friendship, then their wish is my command. If they want me to play along, then bugger off.

It’s not really the first time it happened anyway.