25.04.05; Tragical Tuesday; 06:39

This month’s vaginal event: The arrival of Yasmine. Which reminds me, I still haven’t visited my OB Gyne!!! Amount of pressure to use diet pills again: Mild.

Dear Niwee,

How ironic. I look like I’m 27 but I think and behave as if I were 11.

Thanks to the miraculous revival of my hormones and I’m now being introduced to the ecstatic feeling of developing a chronic crush. What a foolish thing to entertain, especially for someone with a consistent record of suicidal acts and nasty violations in the love department.

– – –

Lornadahl’s Guide to Self-Loving:

1. Thou shalt not covet your (male) best friend.

2. Thou shalt not salivate over your ex-/boyfriend’s peer.

3. Thou shalt not steal your (female) best friend’s boyfriend.

4. Thou shalt not desire your (female) friend’s sibling.

5. Thou shalt not screw your colleague.

– – –

Oh yes, dear babysitters, I am at the risk of serious disorders, worse, committing neglect of duty over irrational priorities. Will somebody spank me please?

Take this one instance. Manong Guard declared I won’t be able to retrieve my bag from his podium last night. Why? The key split into half! The Utility guy/s won’t be available until this morning thus he can’t ask anyone to have his broken key duplicated. Great. But he was quick to assure me my belongings will remain intact. I can go home, sleep soundly and get my things once I report back to work this afternoon. He even offered to finance my trip back to my sweet small town.

Come to think of it, that sounds like a good idea. I can take his money and still keep my own. Besides, what’s wrong with a half-day of being away from my mobile phone/alarm clock/camera, shades, sanitary napkins and kikay kit?

The genius in me declined. I decided to sleep at the break room until the rightful man arrives to unlock the podium. Forget the fact my favorite slacks won’t appreciate it if don’t change my napkins overnight. Never mind if I’m exposing myself to the annoying elements (read: snore level, unattended alarm clocks, tasteless ringing tones, petting partners) at the sleeping quarters. Shrug off my twice-a-day regimen for my poor skin and feet.

I had to see him!

Since the object of my mad fantasies is from the succeeding shift, I immediately concluded this is an opportunity to pimp myself. I was told it takes 7 seconds for a motorist to recall a billboard. So be it. "I shall expose my radiant self to him in 10 seconds, in all angles!" I coached myself. I wasn’t completely sure if he were into jackets and earrings but I was convinced he needs to see my new jacket and chandelier earrings that moment. I didn’t bother to fasten my buttons anymore; he might find my low neckline appealing AGAIN.

*kilegs for 35 minutes*

 

 

 

How I wish I were ballsy enough.

 

Advertisements