04.02.06; Supposedly Studying; 15:34

No. of days before the (research) trip to Mindoro: 21. If postponed, 29. Aaaaaargh. Latest demand of my dearest itchy feet: Attend the Philippine Hot Air Balloon Festival. No. of inches to lose in order to fit in my new magic shorts: Writers can’t count.

Dear Niwee,

Happy (Chinese) New Year! Just like last year, I officially started my 2005 after my uplifting trip to Cebu. I am not sure if I’m ready to execute my leche plans for 2006 yet, though. My hang over from the outgoing year is far from expiring. But yes, I’m thrilled to experience what’s yet to come!

2005 witnessed the new me. I have outgrown my old self and drafted a new list of self-imposed commandments. I have met new people who fostered this long-ignored itch and strengthened bonds with unexplored individuals. I liked my transformation.

One of the coolest things that happened last year (WARNING: overuse of the word ‘year’. INSTANCES: 4). was my comeback to the university. For the longest time, I endured a highly stressful life as a call center agent for years to avail of the company’s study assistance benefit. I remember walking in to the classroom (disgustingly late, though) with a stupid grin on my face. My career path is finally looming!

Sad to say, the excitement has lapsed. I sometimes find myself blaming school for dismissing writing and travel opportunities. I am now ready to admit that I’m not born to be a researcher and the truck load of readings would have been easier to flip through if they were fiction or travelogues. I am considering of quitting school. The battle between the old ambitious me and the new carefree me is driving me insane. Am I having a change of heart?

But then again, I’m at the phase wherein dragging myself out of bed for work necessitates a compelling reason. At times, the high I get from dressing up is no longer there. I suspect I have mutated as a zombie – lifeless, aimless and worthless.

I know I just need a refreshing encounter with the beach again, to feel the sea breeze tickle my cheeks, to feel the white sand between my toes, to feel the waves slap my frail body, to allow the sunset boast its eternal beauty. The desire to go spelunking again is still ablaze; I so wanted to convince myself I can face my fears and come out alive, to dip and enjoy the cool waters, to marvel at the mysterious rock formations.

Save me.