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21.02.2011; Movement Monday; 10:30

Latest addiction: Foursquare. Latest discoveries: Ensogo, Beeconomic, Rawlicious, Polecats Manila and cool incense sticks like Kama Sutra (P150 in Glorietta) jasmine and sandalwood (P50 each in Legazpi Market). Wee!

Sex & Singles – How Far Can You Go?
 

Along with my other single and married friends, I treated myself to a post-Valentine’s gathering to tackle issues about singlehood, namely, the pressures to get out of the perceived pathetic state of singlehood [particularly at my age] and the depths and limitations – if there should be – in intimacy.

As one of the early birds, we were given a red rose which is pretty sweet, except that I’m not appreciative of flowers. However, it wasn’t difficult to be impressed with the elaborate setting  inside the Convenarium in Crossroad77. The table arrangements truly made me felt privileged to be invited in such an event and, as usual, I felt like reaching for the colorful lamps high above.

Rev. Beebo Montaña had been vocal about his early exposure to the sex, drugs and alcohol lifestyle and how he found it severely shallow and unhealthy (to the point of 2 instances of sexually transmitted diseases) until he was saved and made a major turnaround. It was inevitable to recount how he met his charming wife to stress the point that we are never ready to settle down until we’ve established a strong relationship with one’s Master and found what is our Mission in life.

As expected, he detailed the importance and benefits of keeping  one’s virginity until the sweet exchange of marital vows. Being one assures your partner that you would remain faithful for the rest of your married life. And so is marrying one. Being able to say no to corporeal pleasures while single means being able to say no to any sort of allurement while married to one’s partner. For someone with experimental sexual past, Coach Beebo was firm to say that his sexual intercourse with his wife is beyond compare.

To abstain from any sexual gratification is easy. I’ve been too “idealistic” to the point that I sometimes question if I still have hormones. However, I’m not sure that I can keep my legs shut the next time I get myself involved in a romantic relationship. I’m not saying this because everyone’s doing it or I’m envious of what they enjoy. You can call me weak in the face of temptation or you can add me to the growing number of  the stereotyped sex-starved kids in the BPO industry, but I do not wish to deprive myself of the long list of health benefits of sex. At the risk of sounding like a teenage girl, being intimate will also serve as my expression of love. The difference is, I’m not facing raging hormones housed in the body of a persuasive and unprepared teenage guy. I just happen to be aware that sex is just ONE of the many expressions of love. And sex is NOT everything!

While Coach Beebo disapproves of most people’s belief in “practice makes perfect”, I feel this need to find if I were sexually compatible with my partner before I decide to spend the rest of my life with that person. Sex may not be everything, but it’s of great importance to some deprived souls like me.

Also, I refuse to judge those who indulged into sexual activities at an early age. Especially if the advent of the baby transformed their lives into better, especially if they contributed passionate and intelligent people to this ailing planet. [Freakonomics would probably protest.] They may be morally wrong in that act, but you can tell in their eyes that the illegitimate  [or not] baby is the biggest blessing from heaven. Something that they will die for.

I am no expert to offer any recommendation on how to prevent paranoia over unfaithful partners. I believe it can happen even to a goody two-shoes who suddenly realized how boring and uneventful her life has been for only having one boyfriend before tying the knot. Or to your parents, no matter how happy and satisfied they seem. This is where I agree with Coach Beebo in finding someone God-fearing and placing Him between the two of you for guidance all throughout one’s married life.

Being single for so long had prepared me for the possibility that I have a bigger handiwork. to fulfill. It will require too much of my time, energy and focus. What if being unmarried is my fate? Will I eventually die alone, wrinkled and suffering from ovarian cancer? Say it isn’t so.

***

During the service the following day, it felt as if Coach Dwight were speaking to me. Imagine my glee when the screen projected “How To Maximize One’s Singleness”.

To most people, I epitomize enjoyment of one’s singlehood. After all, I’m everywhere – attending the coolest expos, live gigs, galleries or fitness classes or consistently indulging in a great bite or drink or oversharing information  on social networking sites about my itinerary in a faraway island. And I have no intention to apologize for this mad lifestyle. I’m single and in charge of my life!

Hippieness!

However, I still allow loneliness to permeate my heart in some occasions. Content and hopeful I may be, it remains a big struggle to veer away from negative vibes. I picked up the following:

7 Habits of Highly Effective Singles:
1.) Dating leads to intimacy but not necessarily to commitment;
2.) Dating tends to skip friendship;
3.) Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love;
4.) Dating often isolates couples from other vital relationships;
5.) Dating distracts young adults from responsibility of preparing for the future;
6.) Dating causes discontentment with the gift of singleness;
7.) Can I get back to you on that?

3 Ways to Maximize Singleness:
1.) Embrace a new attitude on singleness:
      a.) Singleness is not defectiveness;
      b.) My unmarried years are God’s gift;
      c.) Appreciation of yourself
2.) Build meaningful relationships
3.) Passionately discover your mission.

Okay. Avoidance of best-foot-forward theatrics that make couples skip friendship? Check! I really don’t believe in ligawan. Refusal to be clingy or be possessive of the guy that isolates couples from other vital relationships like family and friends? Check! Distractions from responsibility of preparing for the future? Check! There’s no way I’d go for someone with no ambition.

However, the service reminded me that I should also squeeze in quality time with the people who matter – the elders, to be specific. I can’t just be a kaladkarin to my galpals’ last-minute invites to go shopping or cousins’ granny-centered diss/cussions over countless pitchers of frozen margarita. Instead, I should bond with them. After all, this promotes a symbiotic relationship that results to longevity for the elders and wisdom for the young adults.

What if both parties can’t stand each other? I’m scratching my head here.

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